Nowadays, I don’t think that anyone expects reality television to be, you know, real. But some series stretch their credibility more than others.
Yeah, yeah, we know that “The Bachelorette” really isn’t going to find lasting love with that hunk and that “Survivor” doesn’t really maroon its contestants. But few shows break with reality quite as much as HGTV’s “House Hunters.”
Back in 2012, Entertainment Weekly quoted the show’s publicist as saying, “We’re making a television show, so we manage certain production and time constraints while honoring the home buying process.” Maybe, but we still find ourselves thinking some pretty funny things while watching the “real” process of people shopping for a new home.
1. Simplemost nails our biggest pet peeve squarely to the board: the budgets. What’s with peoples’ entirely unrealistic expectations of what they can afford?
To quote Twitter user Hayley St. John, “I’m currently a student. My wife is a part-time goldfish nanny. Our budget is 2.8 million dollars.” Yeah, right!
2. Of course, the opposite also proves true. PopSugar pointed out the unreality of a couple wanting a “chef’s kitchen, 5 piece master en-suite, craft room” on a budget of $300,000.
3. Oh, and if there happens to be a six-figure difference between the funds you’ve set aside and the asking price, that’s not a little under budget. That’s thoroughly and completely out of reach.
4. Also, paint is, like, totally a thing. You’ve found a ranch-style home with your ideal layout, but you’re really going to pass on it because the den walls are chartreuse?
5. And the insatiable yearning for specialized rooms simply seems strange. We get it: An in-home gym, a sewing room, and (another) guest room would be great, but their lack should hardly sink a potential deal.
6. What’s more, BuzzFeed nailed it when wondering, “What do you mean you love its ‘charm’? IT IS UGLY AS (expletive).”
7. Additionally, we know that popcorn ceilings are ugly, but it’s just, like, popcorn. A little spraying, a little scraping, and voila! It’s gone.
8. Plus, specialized appliances aren’t anywhere near as important as you might think. Ditto for things like pot fillers and half baths.
9. We are not the least bit surprised that you want granite countertops and hardwood floors. Because we all want granite countertops and hardwood floors.
10. E! News gave voice to what many of us have secretly thought while staring at the screen: “They’ll be divorced soon.”
11. Forget being a realtor: This agent should go into couples’ counseling. She’d be perfect at it.
12. Then all the vacillating. Goodness, all the vacillating. Come on, people, make a choice and stop stringing things along, you’ve got us on pins and needles!
13. Finally, there’s one question we always end up asking ourselves: “Do I have time for one more episode?”
“House Hunters” may drive us mad sometimes, but it also delights in equal measure. No wonder it’s been around since 1999.
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