If you missed last night’s Academy Awards — well, you didn’t miss much. “The Shape of Water,” the slightly challenging Guillermo Del Toro film that everyone keeps on telling people they saw even though they actually didn’t, won Best Picture, Best Director and a whole slew of other awards. (For the record, I totally saw it. Yeah, that’s the ticket.)
But that’s not what most people are interested in. The real question is, how many times did host Jimmy Kimmel swing and miss when it came to President Trump?
Even those who don’t watch Kimmel’s nightly paid political advertisement for the Democratic Party on ABC know that Trump jokes are pretty much his stock and trade these days. The Oscars, for which he would bravely tell those same jokes in front of a completely simpatico audience which likely contained at most 0.2 percent Trump voters, was scarcely different.
For instance, take the part where he tried to call President Trump a racist.
“None other than President Trump called ‘Get Out’ the best first three-quarters of a movie this year,” Kimmel joked. “Get Out,” for those unfamiliar with the plot, is a racially charged horror film in which members of a white countryside community take younger black men hostage so that their brains can be replaced with those of older Caucasian people.
And then there was the black-and-white montage that started the show, which also took several racially charged digs at the president.
“Why look, it’s … Armie Hammer. Armie was born when a witch put a curse on a Ken doll. And Chadwick Boseman. The king of Wakanda. Imagine, a country with a black leader, wouldn’t that be swell,” Kimmel said in the voiceover.
“It’s Best Actor favorite Gary Oldman. If you loved Gary in ‘Forrest Gump,’ you’re thinking of Gary Sinise,” Kimmel continued. “And wow, the stunning Lupita Nyong’o. She was born in Mexico and raised in Kenya. Let the tweet storm from the president’s toilet begin.”
“And now, your host for the ceremony, he presided over the most calamitous finale in Oscars history. Will he spoil it one more time?” Well, yep.
Take this bit of wonderful “Mike Pence is a homophobe” jocularity later in the program: “Of the nine Best Picture nominees, only two of them made more than $100 million,” Kimmel said. “That’s not the point. We don’t make films like ‘Call Me By Your Name’ to make money. We make them to upset Mike Pence. Right?”
Hilarious! “Call Me By Your Name,” for those who had forgotten, is a graphic “romance” story about a 24-year-old grad student and tutor (the aforementioned Armie Hammer) seducing his underage 17-year-old male pupil. The film got all kinds of rave reviews from film critics, all of which seem to imply the same thing: “Come on now, we’re all adults, don’t be a prude and/or homophobe.”
Well, the film critics may have all been very adult about it, but I’ll tell you the one person who wasn’t one: namely, the 17-year-old pupil in the film who got seduced by someone in a position of power over him. That’s one of those things that should have been a deal-breaker for everyone, but somehow wasn’t.
Oh, and then there was this one about Hope Hicks:
“If the last two years have taught us anything, it’s that reality can be depressing,” Kimmel said. “But tonight’s dominated documentary shows us where there is darkness, there is also hope, except at the White House. Hope (Hicks) quit on Wednesday.”
Tee hee hee. See, people you don’t like losing their jobs is really funny! So is calling Trump a racist and Mike Pence a homophobe for his Christian beliefs, because nobody’s ever had the originality to come up with such brazen jests or the guts to actually say them. Absolutely no one.
This, by the way, is pretty much the biggest event that Kimmel will host all year. This was his time to bring out the big guns. Part of the problem, however, is that Jimmy tends to get weepy any time he’s around guns.
OK, I grant you, that one was pretty weak. I probably should have saved it for my job application for staff writer on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
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