Trump Hater Admits Hypocrisy: No Idea How Many Times I Touched People's Genitals


Chelsea Handler believes that Donald Trump is a rapist. This pretty much isn’t in question.

“It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost a year since I, along with 8000 other nasty women (and men), walked down snowy Main Street in Park City, Utah,” she wrote in a guest column for Deadline in January of this year.

“I was still feeling completely in shock from the election at that time; devastated, angry, and grieving for women all over the country whose elected leader had boasted about how he’d ‘grab ’em by the p****’ and later shrugged it off as locker room talk.

Oh, and here’s what she had to say about Trump’s chances of winning a Nobel Prize on Twitter, which is VERY NSFW, we must warn you:

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Oh, but Al Franken’s handsiness? Well, that was perfectly fine for Chelsea Handler. Because after all, she can’t even count the number of times she’s sexually touched people during photographs.

That was at least the takeaway from an interview the comedian-turned-activist did with BuzzFeed, presumably not with her agent or any of her handlers (pun unintended) present.

According to the Washington Times, the admission came up as she defended the former Minnesota senator, who faced multiple accusations of inappropriate touching and sexual gestures, including one caught on camera.

“I don’t want to diminish anyone’s legitimate claim of feeling like they’ve been assaulted, because that’s your feeling,” Handler said.

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“But I think there is a very big difference of a man putting his arm around you — he’s a comedian, I’ve touched people’s breasts and genitals I can’t imagine how many times in photos. That doesn’t excuse it, but that’s something, that’s not rape. That’s not sexual assault, and it’s not repeated behavior over and over again.”

I’ve highlighted those two because she can’t count how many times she’s touched people’s breasts and genitals in photos — one would assume with dubious consent, considering she’s comparing her situation to Franken’s — but then insisting “it’s not repeated behavior over and over again.”

Except it would definitionally have to be. I can imagine the number of times I’ve touched people’s breasts and genitals in photos: zero. I know that because that’s not something non-degenerates can’t remember. If only President Trump had called himself a comedian, Chelsea Handler would be sporting a MAGA cap, I guess.

Handler, who has said she was sexually assaulted in the past, says that she thought Franken’s transgressions were a “far different beast,” even though he was caught on camera fake-groping a sleeping woman and repeatedly grabbing women’s breasts and buttocks without permission during photos.

“For a person who’s been sexually assaulted, to compare that story to someone putting their arm around you and being silly in a picture, which is what I believe Al Franken was doing, I know him and that’s something he would do — obviously he’ll never do it again — but I don’t think those are the same things,” Handler said.

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Yes, it’s “silly in a picture” if it’s a Democrat — or at least, that’s what she “believe(s) Al Franken was doing,” because victims don’t deserve to be believed if they’re accusing a Democrat. She’s not outraged at Trump. She’s outraged that he’s a right-winger and that he says he grabs women by the genitals in a profoundly dumb and sexist private conversation, which constitutes sexual assault — the same way that her saying she grabs people by the genitals in an incredibly sexist public conversation also constitutes sexual assault. Or something.

The logic was faulty the first time, it’s not terribly good this time — but if we were to apply her standards to her own behavior, she’s an admitted sex offender, and possibly of a magnitude far worse than she ever accused Trump of being.

In short, we never have to seriously listen to a single thing Chelsea Handler ever has to say about politics or Donald Trump again. Not that anyone really ever did, but now you at least know you can just safely tune her out at the mere mention of her name. You’re welcome, America.

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C. Douglas Golden is a writer who splits his time between the United States and Southeast Asia. Specializing in political commentary and world affairs, he's written for Conservative Tribune and The Western Journal since 2014.
C. Douglas Golden is a writer who splits his time between the United States and Southeast Asia. Specializing in political commentary and world affairs, he's written for Conservative Tribune and The Western Journal since 2014. Aside from politics, he enjoys spending time with his wife, literature (especially British comic novels and modern Japanese lit), indie rock, coffee, Formula One and football (of both American and world varieties).
Morristown, New Jersey
Catholic University of America
Languages Spoken
English, Spanish
Topics of Expertise
American Politics, World Politics, Culture