An Ohio man’s pathetic attempt to rob a convenience store last month failed in an epic way when the people inside the store realized that the “rifle” he was waving around like he owned the place wasn’t even real.
It was fake. How fake? So fake that it was, in fact, nothing but a makeshift rifle “fashioned out of a pipe, a fake scope, a spring and two table legs clamped together as the stock,” according to the Akron Beacon Journal.
Take a look:
— 10News (@10News) December 27, 2017
If that’s a rifle, I’m Santa Clause: Ho, ho, ho! Seriously, it almost looks like a musical instrument. What was the guy thinking?
Apparently, Jeffrey Derringer, 48, wasn’t thinking much.
The Journal notes Derringer stormed into a Circle K convenience store in Akron on Christmas Day with a hooded sweatshirt covering his head.
He covered his head presumably to avoid being identified; it turns out he was a regular customer at the store.
Derringer then demanded everyone get down on the floor and empty the cash register. One employee reportedly fled to the back of the store to call the cops, while another employee instead took a closer look at Derringer.
Upon realizing Derringer was waving around a fake rifle — that barely even looked like a rifle, I might add — he ran around the counter and confronted Derringer. Three other customers reportedly joined his confrontation as well.
What happened next? Predictably enough, Derringer tried to flee the scene but was cornered by all four in a nearby parking lot, where he was detained until the authorities arrived.
This idiot now faces an aggravated robbery charge, an offensive punishable by up to 10 years in prison, according to the Joslyn Law Firm.
If you ask me, an additional 10 years should be added for his laziness. I mean, while I’m glad he attempted the robbery with a fake rifle, he could have at least tried to make his fake rifle look more real. Effort counts, dude. Effort counts.
Granted, the fact that he’s this stunningly lazy probably explains why he was so poor and destitute on Christmas Day that he felt compelled to rob a neighborhood convenience store.
Unfortunately, his future stint in prison isn’t apt to make him any less lazy. Oh well.
H/T Bearing Arms
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