Picture yourself as the head of a cybersecurity summit. Whom do you pick as your keynote speaker? Perhaps an encryption expert? App programmer? FBI agent who works to keep our information safe?
How about a former cabinet official who kept a personal server in her house and used it to both send and receive classified information, potentially putting the security of her country at risk?
Well, at least it could serve as a cautionary tale, but beyond that, I’m at a loss as to why the FireEye Cyber Defense Summit would include, as its keynote speaker, one former secretary of state who quite possibly (and by the grace of God) isn’t our president because of all of the above.
(Oh, the facts that she ran a horrible campaign, is a horrible liar and had an opponent who refused to be defeated had a lot to do with it, too. But the email scandal certainly didn’t help.)
“We are pleased to announce that former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton will be a featured keynote at our #FireEyeSummit in October! Secretary Clinton will engage in an intimate Q&A keynote discussion,” cybersecurity firm FireEye announced on its Twitter account Thursday.
We are pleased to announce that Former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton will be a featured keynote at our #FireEyeSummit in October! Secretary Clinton will engage in an intimate Q&A keynote discussion with Kevin Mandia.
— FireEye (@FireEye) May 30, 2019
By “intimate,” I can only assume they mean:
“With a bunch of carefully vetted Democrats who won’t ask questions like ‘why did you eliminate all the information on your personal server with BleachBit?’ or ‘why did you think it was a good idea to put a personal server in your home in the the first place and use it for official government business?’ If anyone who doesn’t fit this description sneaks in, they’ll be ‘politely’ escorted out by a phalanx of Luca Brasi-like security guards who all have the physique of Ray Lewis.”
That’s too many characters for Twitter, though, so they settled for “intimate.”
According to Fox News, the event is designed to help professionals “mitigate, detect, and respond to cyber attacks.”
Again, the only way this keynote speaker decision could have been worse would be is if they decided to have Debbie Wasserman Schultz — the Democratic National Committee chairwoman at the time when the DNC’s emails were hacked by the Russians — on stage with her.
It would be like an ethics in government panel with Rod Blagojevich and … well, Hillary Clinton.
Reading the description of the event on FireEye’s website makes this seem even more hilarious. Seriously, read this and try not to laugh:
“Cyber security is not any one defender’s responsibility, but a global effort — a cause championed by many for the good of all. By coming together as a community to innovate, build strategies and share knowledge on today’s threats and tomorrow’s risks, we empower ourselves as defenders with the collective wisdom to protect our way of life and the technologies that have become central to it.”
And, in this vein, they’ve invited someone who thought that the “(C)” for confidential in government emails — a designation they probably teach you on the first day of orientation — actually “speculated it was referencing paragraphs marked in alphabetical order,” according to the FBI, even though there was apparently no (A) or (B) involved
Yet this event “brings together many of the world’s leading security experts, frontline heroes, government leaders, and executives from various industries to address the challenges of today’s threat landscape.”
That must include the kind of heroes who refuse to take responsibility for mishandling classified information and continue to blame the James Comey and/or the Kremlin for costing her the election.
As Hillary put it earlier this month:
“I think it’s also critical to understand that, as I’ve been telling candidates who have come to see me, you can run the best campaign, you can even become the nominee, and you can have the election stolen from you,” Hillary said earlier in the month.
Yes, that’s heroism for you. Can’t you just hear the David Bowie song playing in the background? She can beat them, forever and ever! (Just not in presidential elections.)
In fact, the saddest thing about FireEye’s profoundly ratioed tweet is that that a good chunk of the responses seemed to invoke the fact that her Blackberrys were destroyed with a hammer, presumably to obliterate evidence:
— Robby Starbuck (@robbystarbuck) May 31, 2019
Cyber Security Summit….what is she going to do? Smash phones with hammers?
— Steve (@roadatlanta951) May 30, 2019
Here is her speech. “Do the opposite of everything I did.”
There, just saved you $400k in speaking fees
— Stephen Thompson (@VoloftheNorth) May 31, 2019
Actually, hammer-smashing business might have been the only intelligent thing Clinton did when it comes to cybersecurity.
Then again, it turns out that Hillary didn’t destroy them herself, which shouldn’t be surprising. After all, as she once confessed to reporters, “I don’t know how it works digitally at all.”
That sounds about right.
But why this makes her a candidate for a keynote at a cybersecurity conference, I have no idea.
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