You know the drill. Whenever you’re flying somewhere, whether it’s for work or fun, there is a gauntlet you must run.
First, you have to get to the airport with plenty of time before your flight. You have to manhandle all your luggage into place, get everything checked in, and then go through security.
Once you’ve made it through the awkwardness of the security check, you’re free to scramble to find your gate. Then you wait around until you can finally board.
And once you board, you get to wait around. Again.
There’s a spiel at the beginning of every flight that frequent flyers could probably recite by heart: the crisp movements, the yellow life vests even when you’re not flying over water, and the seldom-followed instructions to read the safety guide in the back of the seat in front of you.
But one flight attendant, Marty Cobb, with Southwest Airlines did something a little different that probably even the regulars weren’t used to hearing. And it got people’s attention.
She started out with “I’d like to pretend to have your attention for a few moments,” already revealing some snark. And it only got better from there.
“My ex-husband, my new boyfriend, and our divorce attorney are going to show you the safety features on this 737-800 series.” By then, the passengers knew this was not going to be their average safety message, and they laughed and perked up.
“Position your seatbelt tight and low across your hips like my grandmother wears her support bra.” At that point, the audience lost it, but Cobb plunged forward with the next volley.
“Everybody gets a door prize in the seatback pocket in front of you along with dirty diapers, chewing gum wrappers, banana peels and all the other gifts you leave for us.”
Then there’s the bit about the oxygen masks which, fortunately, don’t often need to be used. Cobb had specific directions for how to deal with a decrease in cabin pressure.
“Stop screaming, let go of your neighbor, pull out that plastic tubing as fully extended, place the mask over your nose and mouth and breathe normally. To activate the flow of oxygen simply insert $0.75 for the first minute and $0.50 for each additional minute.”
“And if you’re traveling with small children, we’re sorry. If you’re traveling with more than one child, pick out the one who you think might have the most earning potential down the road.”
After a few more snappy lines, the flight attendant dashed off a final farewell in her unique way.
“So sit back and relax or you can sit up and be tense, either way.”
“That’s what we call very cheap entertainment. Nobody had to pay extra, but you certainly don’t get a refund.”
The video went viral, giving millions of people a good laugh and showing up monotone flight attendants everywhere.
She even got noticed by Ellen DeGeneres, who presented the single mom with a $10,000 check. One thing is for sure: the standard for in-flight safety speeches has certainly been raised!
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