Let me just start off by warning you that this is a poop story.
The facts of this tale began to swirl around Aug. 4 in stormy Port Charlotte, Florida.
On the day in question, a local plumbing company, A-1 Affordable Plumbing, received a very strange call.
Lightning had struck a septic tank.
When A-1 plumbers arrived at the home, they were perplexed by what they heard and saw.
The toilet had been discharged from the floor bolts and was in crappy condition.
The homeowners wasted no time explaining the source of the porcelain’s demise.
A bolt of angry lightning targeted their innocent waste receptacle, igniting an explosive launching of the toilet.
“Lightening struck this home owners septic tank, igniting the methane gas (natural gas from sewer) in the sewer pipes and causing an explosion,” A-1 recounted on its Facebook page.
The ignited gas thundered through the plumbing pipes like the climactic finale of a John Woo film. When it finally entered the bathroom, the toilet never stood a chance.
The methane-fueled explosion destroyed the unsuspecting potty and propelled the dangerous little potty pieces skyward.
“The toilet exploded in home owners master bathroom sending porcelain airborne like a missile (the porcelain penetrated into wall),” A-1 reported.
The electricity-induced, lavatory decimation was complete. And it was devastating.
“Most likely all sewer piping will need to be replaced and septic tank,” A-1 said.
To support this claim, A-1 provided detailed and closeup photographic evidence of the damaged pipes.
Despite the commode calamity, not a single hair on the homeowner’s head was damaged. “Luckily no one was hurt!” said A-1.
This recounting of the wreckage of this water closet is not without a moral.
“No more pooping while it’s storming outside,” A-1 wisely advised its readers.
Whether it’s the outhouse or the penthouse, the washroom or the powder room, methane mishaps may make any of us meet our waterloo.
Be safe. Be wise. And for love of Zeus, think twice before you squat during a squall.
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