Lifestyle & Human Interest

Abuse Left Me Spiritually Dead, Then God Came After Me in the Back Row at Church


It’s been nearly 12 years since I was able to finally have the courage to leave an abusive relationship.

A relationship that controlled my every move for over four years.

I shake my head typing those words. Knowing that I was living in hell for that long, staring the devil in the eyes.

Name calling, alienating me from my family, being forced to hide bruises and even having a shotgun held to my chin.

I had nothing to live for and honestly believed this would be how I would spend the rest of my life — trapped until this person I married killed me or I finally took my own life.

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Then, I got pregnant.

The Lord sure works in mysterious ways. I went from a life of feeling like I had nothing to live for to suddenly knowing I had this little person inside of me that needed me. A baby.

I was fortunate to work for a Chrisitan company at the time that showed me Jesus through their daily actions. Although I never spoke of the abuse, they knew. Everyone knew.

So they cared for me. They loved me. They fed me — both physically and emotionally.

It was that love that drove me to church. Despite my ex’s tormenting and added abuse for me “thinking I was better than him,” I went each week, faithfully sitting beside my grandparents in the very back of the church.

And one day, God came after me. He’d always been coming after me. But that day, I felt it. He broke through my walls.

I sobbed with face in my hands while the music played, knowing He was hope. And knowing that I could do this with God’s help.

It would be months, still, and much more abuse before I was in a position to finally be able to leave. But I can say with certainty, the moment I sobbed and called out to Jesus in the back of the church that day, my life forever changed — for the better.

I still struggle with forgiveness, I still let the demons of my past self-esteem issues creep in, but I know that I am loved. I know that I have a savior that will always welcome me with open arms. And He is with me as I continue to learn and grow closer to Him each day.

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1 Corinthians 15:43 tells us, ‘Our bodies are buried in brokenness, but they will be raised in glory. They are buried in weakness, but they will be raised in strength.’

Here, God is speaking through the apostle Paul. He is referring to our bodies during death and being made righteous again in Heaven. Being buried with dishonor and brokenness. Weak to the world and sin.

When we become a Christian and accept Jesus into our lives, we are raised again in glory and strength. Our bodies here on earth become imperishable because we know that we will spend our eternity in heaven.

I was living a life of dishonor and brokenness; I was spiritually dead.

1 Corinthians 15:43

I was brought to life that day in the back of the church. I was brought into the light and made whole by His strength. I know that no matter what trials I face here on earth, what is waiting for me on the other side is greater than anything I’ve ever known. And I am no longer afraid.

Do you believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ which saves you from your sins?

Do you hear God calling you to get up? Do you feel Him pulling you from the depths of despair? It’s time to start listening and stop fighting. Let Him be your strength.

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Keeley is a former contributor to The Western Journal.
Keeley is a former contributor to The Western Journal.