'Gov. Moonbeam' Focuses on the Real Issues: Banning Straws and Kids-Meal Sodas


California was once the envy of the nation, if not the world: Disneyland was the happiest place on earth, the beach life influenced all of American culture from fashion to music, while Silicon Valley led the way in tech.

The Golden State may not be dead, but it sure looks like it’s on life support — and its decline can be directly linked to liberal policies run amok.

Earlier this year, it was revealed that California currently has the highest poverty rate in all of America.

Illegal aliens flood across the border, contributing to shanty towns of homeless migrants and public health crises in major cities.

The job of California’s governor is to tackle the most pressing issues facing his state. Instead, Democrat Gov. Jerry Brown is focusing on the issues that really matter to his citizens: Evil plastic straws and soda pop.

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On Thursday, the liberal governor made those arcane issues top priorities when he vetoed several other measures, but signed anti-straw and anti-soda bills into law.

One of those head-scratching laws signed by Brown was Assembly Bill 1884, which makes it illegal for restaurants to give out plastic straws with meals.

Treating the humble straw as some sort of rampant tool of terrorists, Brown declared that “plastic … has become so ubiquitous it now pervades every aspect of modern life” and “has led to disastrous consequences.”

Hey, Brownie. There are piles of disease-carrying needles in your state’s once proud cities and mobs of migrants defecating in your streets. Maybe tackle that before waging a completely redundant war on plastic?

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But he didn’t stop there.

Next on the agenda were pesky soda drinks sometimes enjoyed by — gasp! — children.

“Brown also signed Senate Bill 1192 that amends the California Retail Food Code to require all dine-in and fast food chains to offer milk; a non-dairy milk alternative; or sparkling, still or flavored water as a default or advertised beverage for a child’s packaged meal,” reported Breitbart News.

Like the straw crusade, the new law to keep soda out of kids’ hands will likely do little to actually improve anything.

“The bill does not prohibit a restaurant from selling, or a customer’s ability to purchase, an alternative beverage if the purchaser requests one,” Breitbart explained.

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In other words, kids can still ask for soft drinks, and people can still ask for straws.

Just don’t you dare put a plastic straw in a kid’s soda — it would be really messy to clean up all the liberal heads that inevitably explode.

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Benjamin Arie is an independent journalist and writer. He has personally covered everything ranging from local crime to the U.S. president as a reporter in Michigan before focusing on national politics. Ben frequently travels to Latin America and has spent years living in Mexico.