My regular readers — all three of you — will note that I tend to make heavy use of wit (on good days) and sarcasm (on the rest of them) to deal with processing the left-wing cultural neurosis this job requires on a daily basis.
I’ve gotten more than a few comments and letters that imply that I must be having a blast on the other side of the screen, coming up with acerbic bon mots. (Or at least mots adéquats.) I wish I could confirm this were the case — and make no mistake, I have plenty of fun — but my default facial expression is usually stuck somewhere between disappointment and mild disgust. There are only so many Drag Queen Story Hours you can rhetorically dismantle before the hilarity (and concomitant distress) is bled dry.
So credit where credit is due: Transgender crafter B Amborn’s “Bitty Bug Soft Packer” gave this jaded commentary writer a legitimate LOL while simultaneously inducing in him a feeling of deep despair for the future of the Western world. Good work.
The “Bitty Bug Soft Packer” is a crocheted penis for transgender children who want to pretend they’re boys, and the $6 item is every bit as silly as you might believe it is. According to the Daily Caller News Foundation, the product is marketed by Stitchbug Studio, which is owned by Amborn and Ruth Rigney. It makes crocheted “Soft Packers,” apparently for girls who just can’t get used to those silicone prosthetics and need prosthetic genitalia that feels a bit more like Linus’ blanket.
A knitted penis for extremely small girls to wear in their pants if their parents believe them to be transgender.
It is intended for girls so young, they demonstrate the product in a diaper. pic.twitter.com/tLW4mzPjzC
— Kinkshamer Pagliacci┃top .69% on OnlyShame (@Slatzism) May 16, 2021
“Bitty Bug® soft packer is a custom prosthetic packer in youth sizes, made from soft durable yarn and polyester filling. It is easy to wear pinned to underclothes or tucked in a packing pouch, and can be felt by the wearer without being visible externally (shown in a pair of undies to demonstrate),” Stitchbug’s website reads. A product description on another site describes the Bitty Bug Soft Packer as “a soft packer for use by trans and non-binary folks.”
“Silicone prosthetics do not come in sizes appropriate for smaller bodies, and can create unsightly and age-inappropriate shape. The Bitty Bug® is lightweight, comfortable, low maintenance, and can be tossed in the washing machine.”
Breitbart reported the product came about after Amborn was “looking for a pattern to make a soft packer for myself.”
“[A]fter being frustrated by the cost and discomfort of silicone options, I tried the free patterns I could find, and posted some photos in a large LGBTQ+ sewing group,” she said.
“Immediately I had 2 parents ask me please, could you make one for my little son? After hearing from a mother who was just crying with her son, unsure what to do to ease his pain of dysphoria and there being no options available for children, the very first packers I made were for 10 and 6 year old little boys.
“Silicone packers are expensive, heavy, and can get hot, sticky and uncomfortable. Unless worn with a strap, they weigh down clothing and don’t stay put,” she continued. “They have to be powdered and cared for carefully, and even then only last about 6 months with daily wear. They come in limited sizes and colors, and there are none available for children.”
However, they don’t want you to get the wrong idea. Sure, the product comes in children’s sizes — hence the name “Bitty Bug Soft Packer” — but it’s not for transgender infants, guys! Don’t try to misrepresent Stitchbug Studio, you far-right transphobes, you.
“Our packers are made for the trans community, and the people who support them. We recently faced some pretty intense ‘attention’ from the Twittersphere when two trans-unaware people made some rather strange assumptions about our youth packers sizes, namely that they were intended for use on infants. (Like… what?),” Stitchbug Studio said in a Monday Facebook post.
“We’ve revised the product description, and hopefully this clears it up for those who are confused. It will do nothing for those who are simply hateful and intent on attacking the trans community, but those folks aren’t our audience and aren’t worth any more time.
“We will always always ALWAYS support and serve our trans community, and the AMAZING parents out there doing their level best to support and love their trans youths and their needs. Y’all are our literal heros.”
Furthermore, the company has a reason why it doesn’t make the product for infants: “The Bitty Bug is intended for the parents of transgender youth who have expressed their gender-affirming needs, and who are looking for a product that is non-invasive, impermanent, and age and size appropriate,” the website says. “Clearly, infants and toddlers are not capable of expressing that kind of need. We are here to provide parents with an appropriate and impermanent option to help their trans youths.”
At times like this, even as an evangelical Christian, I’m reminded of the words of an 18th-century French deist. Quoth Voltaire: “I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: ‘O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.’ And God granted it.”
I’ve made a few more prayers than the author of “Candide,” but God certainly answered this one.
First, the idea that children are able to express “gender-affirming needs” regarding their transgender identities because they can form words and sentences — as opposed to infants and toddlers — ignores the fact that they’re, well, children. Crafters don’t make Batman outfits for “alter-ego-affirming needs.”
Even if you want to buy that the science supports kids in diapers being able to cogently express transgender identities — and that’s a difficult sell — there’s no evidence crocheted penises are therapeutic in any way. This isn’t about science; this is about making some money while pushing an agenda and giving conservative Twitter some bad laughs.
Oh, and remember that whole thing about not making these penises for infants or toddlers? Yeah, never mind:
They’ve added a disclaimer claiming they’re not for children but go on to contradict that by immediately saying they’ll make them for any child no questions asked 🙄👀 pic.twitter.com/468yy7Do8t
— Lyndsey Fifield (@lyndseyfifield) May 17, 2021
This nothing but cultivating gender dysphoria. It may be doing it hilarious fashion, mind you. I had more bad laughs writing this story than any in recent memory — until I thought about the parents Stitchbug Studio is making money off of and the children who, instead of getting the treatment they need, are getting crocheted penises instead.
This ceases to be uproarious when you realize just how serious it is.
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