US Military Not Backing Down After 1 Million People Pledge To Storm Base


Look, I get it: I’d love to know what’s inside Area 51.

It’s one of the last great pieces of modern folklore there is. The secret military test facility, which is located inside the Nellis Military Operations Area in the middle of the Nevada desert, is supposed to contain everything from preserved aliens to secret, hyper-advanced test aircraft. (The last part is actually kind of true, given that the SR-71 Blackbird, F-117 stealth fighter and U-2 spy aircraft were all birthed there.)

I want to know all those secrets, too. But here’s a tip: There are some things that aren’t worth knowing. That’s especially true if you die in the process of trying to find them out.

Now, I’m not particularly sure whether or not the “Storm Area 51” movement is a joke. It certainly seems to be, but whether everyone gets that is up for debate.

The whole thing came out of a Facebook event page which currently has over 1.3 million people who say that they’re going. The full name of the event is technically “Storm Area 51, They Can’t Stop All of Us.”

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One post out of the thousands that have been written reads, “We can move faster than their bullets. Let’s see them aliens.”

Another post identifies a “battle plan” in which drugged up “Kyles” attack the base first followed by rock-throwers and “naruto runner battallions [sic].” (I actually know what that’s supposed to refer to, I think, but you’re really better off not knowing since it’s just as weird and stupid as it seems without the explanation.)

The link to the post is here, although we must warn you the page contains questionable/vulgar content all around.

The creator of the post makes it clear they don’t mean for it to be taken seriously, just in case the Kyles of the world were gearing up to go out to the Nevada desert: “Hello US government, this is a joke, and I do not actually intend to go ahead with this plan,” the poster wrote.

Do you think the Air Force needs to take this seriously?

“I just thought it would be funny and get me some thumbsy uppies on the Internet. I’m not responsible if people decide to actually storm area 51.”

But that’s the problem: Not only does our military have to deal with actual threats, it has to deal with dumb jokes like this.

Who knows how many people show up at the meeting place — the “Area 51 Alien Center tourist attraction,” which is a truck stop an hour from the base according to American Military News — on September 20, when the event is supposed to take place, and decide to go ahead and do something stupid?

Whatever the case, the Air Force is prepared.

“[Area 51] is an open training range for the U.S. Air Force, and we would discourage anyone from trying to come into the area where we train American armed forces,” Air Force spokeswoman Laura McAndrews said to The Washington Post.

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“The U.S. Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets.”

It’s probably not the best idea to joke around about raiding Area 51, considering that the conspiracy-centric site is heavily guarded. However, it’s inspired plenty of memes on social media:

Oh, come on, Nabisco. Really?

Thankfully, even if a million-plus idiots storm Area 51 with Oreos and Naruto runners, our armed forces will be ready.

“That base is so jealously guarded, both in terms of media and in terms of actual physicality. I don’t think the Air Force or any of the other military partners or intelligence community partners that are all working out there at Area 51 are gonna let anybody anywhere near the entrance to Area 51,” Area 51 expert Annie Jacobsen told Fox News.

No, there are no aliens at Area 51. No, a million people won’t breach it. Yes, our military has better things to do.

Please stop trying to get “thumbsy uppies” by claiming otherwise. The pledge may be a joke, but it’s not very funny.

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C. Douglas Golden is a writer who splits his time between the United States and Southeast Asia. Specializing in political commentary and world affairs, he's written for Conservative Tribune and The Western Journal since 2014.
C. Douglas Golden is a writer who splits his time between the United States and Southeast Asia. Specializing in political commentary and world affairs, he's written for Conservative Tribune and The Western Journal since 2014. Aside from politics, he enjoys spending time with his wife, literature (especially British comic novels and modern Japanese lit), indie rock, coffee, Formula One and football (of both American and world varieties).
Morristown, New Jersey
Catholic University of America
Languages Spoken
English, Spanish
Topics of Expertise
American Politics, World Politics, Culture