Texas Couple Takes Down Machete-Wielding Clowns with Child's Scooter and Suspect's Own Weapon

As someone who spent one ill-fated summer from my childhood as a birthday party clown’s assistant (yes, I had to wear facepaint and a wig), I can commiserate with the terrible reputation that clowns generally have in the current zeitgeist.

Not making things any easier for innocent clowns are two thugs who attacked an innocent couple in Texas.

On Feb. 1, the suspects, Jose Lugo and Luis Jimenez, allegedly tried to rob husband and wife Joseph Nelson and Aretha Cardinal while they were sitting in their truck in their driveway in Texas City, Texas, according to KTRK-TV.

Terrifyingly enough, Lugo and Jimenez were reportedly wearing clown masks and one of them was carrying a machete.

The problem with Lugo and Jimenez’s plan was that they didn’t expect Cardinal and Nelson to fight back.

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As is often the case, people who play stupid games typically win stupid prizes.

Nelson was able to wrestle away the machete after one of the would-be robbers reached through the window of the truck.

“He reached his hand through the window, put it on my throat like this and I’m like ‘Dude, you serious, you trying to rob me with a machete?'” Nelson told KTRK-TV.

That’s an awesome response — and a great example of why you don’t mess with Texas.

But as cool as it is to see everyday Americans dole out some good old-fashioned self-defense, Nelson’s response to the clown robbers paled in comparison to what his wife did.

Whereas Nelson was able to wrestle away the machete, Cardinal opted for a more MacGyver-esque approach. Cardinal reached for her granddaughter’s scooter to foil the robbery attempt.

“Any weapon is good for me if I can get you off me and my husband, that’s what I’m going to do. I used the scooter, broke it in half,” Cardinal explained.

The couple’s adult daughter promptly called the police and Lugo and Jimenez were arrested. They are currently in custody in the Galveston County Jail.

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Frankly, Lugo and Jimenez probably got off easy, all things considered. Given the sheer hatred of clowns and Texas gun laws, the idiot robbers could’ve suffered a much more grisly brand of justice.

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