As 20,000 Troops Lock Down DC, It's Been Revealed That Even Biden's Dog Is Getting a Ceremony


After the Capitol incursion, officials planned a massive troop deployment to Washington, D.C., for President-elect Joe Biden’s inauguration on Jan. 20.

When it’s all said and done, there’ll be as many as 20,000 National Guardsmen on the streets of the 68 square miles that comprise the District of Columbia. For comparison, that’s more than we have deployed over the 252,070 square miles of Afghanistan.

One imagines a somber, locked-down event. As well it should be. Just two weeks after the Capitol incursion, sobriety and enervation will be the dominant emotions of the day.

Some may see hope in the transition of power. Others may see anguish or indifference. However, after a divisive election, the global rollercoaster that was 2020 and the events of Jan. 6, we can all agree it’ll be a moment of solemnity.

But be sure to tune in three days prior, when you can watch Joe Biden’s German shepherd have his own “Virtual Indoguration Party.”

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In yet more proof elevation to the nation’s highest office hasn’t turned the president-elect into a read-the-room kind of guy, Major Biden — the dog that broke Joe Biden’s foot, in case you were wondering — will be getting his own swearing-in of sorts courtesy of the Delaware Humane Association and Pumpkin Pet Insurance. You’ll have to donate at least $10 for admission.

NPR, apparently starved for news at the moment, reported that Major’s tale is being touted as (groan) a “wags to riches” one, having been among six German Shepherd puppies brought in to the Delaware Humane Association shelter in 2018. He’ll be the first shelter dog in the White House.

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“They were very sick,” said Patrick Carroll, executive director of the shelter. “They had gotten into a toxic substance. We’re not sure what.

“The dogs were lethargic, vomiting and hospitalized for a few days.”

After Major recovered, Biden showed up on Easter Sunday and adopted him. The rather lengthy piece about Major getting “indogurated” makes sure to mention that President Donald Trump was the first president in over a century not to bring a dog to 1600 Pennsylvania. Because that’s the public broadcaster’s issue with the outgoing president, I’m sure.

The “indoguration” comes billed by the Delaware Humane Association as “the world’s largest virtual party for dogs,” and will be hosted by Jill Martin from NBC’s “Today.”

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Many years ago, the TV show “Gilmore Girls” ran a joke about a wedding planner that had also done “Steven Spielberg’s daughter’s Jack Russell terrier’s bark mitzvah.” You get the joke even if you don’t get the context: This is an inherently frivolous event.

Even in a season where fact has outpaced fiction by a wide margin, Joe Biden managed to trounce that fictive bark mitzvah impressively — and that would have been true under any circumstance. It’s deserving of exponentially more critical attention because it comes as the city Major and his owner will be living in is currently under a state of emergency, one which sees it saturated with troops.

Yes, the intentions for the “indoguration” are good. Even with the iffy aspect of the whole thing being a bit of a shill for Pumpkin Pet Insurance, money raised from the event will go to the Delaware Humane Association.

Fantastic. It’s a worthy cause. Still, just give them the money and quietly kill the event, Mr. Biden.

This isn’t the moment. Not with these scenes playing out in Washington, D.C., at the moment:

Let’s not forget that Biden and the left have sought to capitalize on these scenes; this is what we’ve been brought to, we’re told in a weighty tone. And you know what brought us here. Don the hair shirt, all ye within the conservative orbit, and wear it long and ponderously.

If we’re dealing with an inauguration under serious threat of violence that can only be quelled by a massive influx of troops into the District of Columbia, an influx so great it swamps our presence in a country where we’ve been conducting a 20-year war, this also isn’t the venue for punny “indogurations” to emphasize that, why yes, Joe Biden has a dog and isn’t he just the cutest thing, oh, who’s a good boy? Who? Yes, you are! Oh, and Donald Trump didn’t, in case you’d forgotten, cough cough, the reprobate. Who’s a good, good boy?

The two things are mutually exclusive. Biden and his coterie can either a) treat the next few days as a grave finger-wag at all Republicans and conservatives because of the actions of a fringe ultra-minority of Donald Trump’s supporters or b) as a celebration of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.

If the former has been chosen or imposed upon you, there are no bark mitzvahs to be had.

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C. Douglas Golden is a writer who splits his time between the United States and Southeast Asia. Specializing in political commentary and world affairs, he's written for Conservative Tribune and The Western Journal since 2014.
C. Douglas Golden is a writer who splits his time between the United States and Southeast Asia. Specializing in political commentary and world affairs, he's written for Conservative Tribune and The Western Journal since 2014. Aside from politics, he enjoys spending time with his wife, literature (especially British comic novels and modern Japanese lit), indie rock, coffee, Formula One and football (of both American and world varieties).
Morristown, New Jersey
Catholic University of America
Languages Spoken
English, Spanish
Topics of Expertise
American Politics, World Politics, Culture