If your car is running low on gas, don’t carjack another car.
If you do try to carjack another car, don’t take it from a guy outside a gym — a place where you’re much more likely to run into someone who knows mixed martial arts.
If you still manage to steal the car, make sure it’s an automatic or that you know how to drive a stick shift.
Finally, if you don’t know how to drive stick, get back in your car. If you have to abandon it during the ensuing police chase, don’t assume you can outrun a K9 dog named Titan.
This should all be taught in Criminal Behavior 101, but it appears a few suspected carjackers disregarded some — if not all — of those basic lessons.
According to WUSA-TV, the trouble began around 5 p.m. Tuesday outside an Anytime Fitness in Stafford, Virginia. Multiple callers told police that three men attacked another man with a stick so large the potential victim said he thought it was a baseball bat.
Sheriff’s deputies said the motive was — get this one — the men were running out of gas in their car and, instead of filling it up, they just tried to gank another one.
The problem was the potential victim had training in mixed martial arts. He fought back — but eventually dropped his keys.
However, when the suspected carjackers picked them up and got in the MMA aficionado’s car, they discovered something unfortunate for them: It was a manual transmission, which they didn’t know how to drive.
By this time, others inside the gym noticed what was going on and came outside to stop the carjacking. Given that learning how to use a clutch and a gearshift isn’t the easiest thing to do when you’re in the midst of a crime, deputies say the attempted carjackers got back into their car and drove off.
“Deputies learned the suspects were driving a white Acura sedan with Mississippi plates and they were quickly spotted by a deputy who attempted to pull the car over on Garrisonville Road near I-95. Instead of stopping, the suspects took off and headed northbound on I-95,” WUSA reported.
“The pursuit reached a speed of 98 mph, deputies said. Near mile marker 145, the suspects entered the HOV lanes by crashing through the barrier arm and began driving northbound while traffic was headed southbound.”
Eventually, the men stopped and ran into a wooded median; the Virginia State Police and other law enforcement officials found them using a K-9 named Titan and were able to set up a perimeter.
The men were then told they could either give up or the dog would be unleashed. Only two suspects were wise enough to give up voluntarily.
“The third suspect incorrectly judged his own speed or K-9 Titan’s speed and attempted to run away. This attempt was futile as K-9 Titan was released and apprehended the suspect within 50 yards,” Stafford County deputies said.
I suppose if you decide carjacking is a good solution when your car’s low-fuel warning light is on and you go the wrong way in the HOV lane, you might be the kind of person who believes you can outrun a K-9 unit.
“The suspects were identified as 19-year-old Jabez Clark, 18-year-old Korey Richardson, and 20-year-old Jacob Land,” WUSA reported.
“Clark is charged with carjacking, robbery, conspiracy, malicious wounding, assault, vandalism and possession of burglary tools. Richardson is charged with carjacking, robbery, conspiracy, eluding, reckless driving and hit and run. Land is charged with carjacking robbery, conspiracy and vandalism.”
All three were held without bond. However, if you want to know which suspect was allegedly misguided enough to believe they could outrun a police dog, WUSA noted, “Land briefly went to the hospital for treatment of a dog bite.”
Say what you will about Clark and Richardson: Even if they did what they stand accused of, they had enough sense to know K-9s named Titan are bad news.
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