Tucker Carlson Gives RINO Adam Kinzinger an Epic Sendoff That Needs to Be Seen
Goodbye, Rep. Adam Kinzinger of Illinois. I wish we could say we hardly knew ye.
Kinzinger, one of two Republicans on the Democrats’ Jan. 6 committee farce, will be leaving the lower chamber when the new Congress comes into session. Unlike the other, Wyoming Rep. Liz Cheney, the anti-Trump Kinzinger had the good sense to forego running and losing a primary, instead putting all of his energy into raising his profile.
To that end, he’s succeeded mildly, if just because he’s created meme-able moments like breaking into tears during a committee hearing on the Capitol incursion. Even in an age in which all fame is good fame, at least if you’re a Kardashian, that seemed to be a bit much.
On Friday, Tucker Carlson bid adieu to the man — such as you might be able to call him that — and his political career.
“Kinzinger was first elected to the House 12 years ago, and for the bulk of his time in office, he served utterly without distinction, in virtual anonymity,” Carlson said on his Fox News show.
“A few of his constituents had heard of him, but none expressed interest in learning more. Then in 2018 came the transformation. That was the year that Adam Kinzinger turned 40, and things began to change inside of him.”
“The first signs were subtle but unmistakable: choking up at a car insurance commercial, opening an Instagram account and posting pictures of himself, wearing spandex bike shorts to Starbucks without shame and sometimes with a fanny pack,” Carlson joked.
“By 2021, Kinzinger had a full-blown case of male menopause with all the familiar, painful symptoms — mood swings, hot flashes, food cravings, uncontrollable weeping.”
Carlson noted that, were the representative a “lesser man,” he might have taken a step back “from public life, chosen new pronouns and transitioned in private.”
“But Adam Kinzinger chose another path,” Carlson said.
“He chose to be a role model. He wanted other middle-aged men to know there is life after hormonal imbalance, and so on July 27, 2021, Adam Kinzinger bravely came out of the closet … as a weepy man. You may remember the moment.”
“RINO TEARS” 🦏 💦
Directed by Pelosi @SpeakerPelosi productions….. 🎥Rep. Adam Kinzinger @RepKinzinger starts FAKE crying during Pelosi’s witch-hunt hearing…..pic.twitter.com/578vrOcpmx
— 𝓒𝓸𝓭𝔂 (@buzzman888) July 27, 2021
Now, as you can see, some people thought Kinzinger was engaging in fake waterworks. But, no, Tucker said. This was very serious stuff. In fact, he kept tabs on the story:
Tucker Carlson provides an update on the Adam Kinzinger crying story pic.twitter.com/yZEUe68ilh
— Daily Caller (@DailyCaller) August 20, 2021
And now, he’s going — and Carlson’s paying tribute.
“Imagine the courage that took: ‘Yes, I am emotionally incontinent. Yes, I am utterly irrational. No, I will not be silent,'” Carlson said, mockingly.
“In Washington, Kinzinger’s performance was considered deeply inspirational. Here’s a man who has no control of himself at all, so we’d better put him in charge of important things. Kinzinger quickly became regarded as an essential voice on foreign policy. When the world hangs in the balance, you want a guy who cries a lot.”
Furthermore, as he noted, Adam Kinzinger was and is a man who was all about one thing: Adam Kinzinger. As Carlson said, his final speech from the floor of the House of Representatives was an example in “diplomacy by narcissism.”
“History has proven that American isolation from the world affairs is dangerous,” Kinzinger said.
“Over the years, I’ve been privileged to lead the effort on supporting American leadership in a world drowning in faux strongmen, advocating for the rights of Syrian men, women and children to live without fear of Assad’s death squads shouldn’t be political. This is simply the right thing to do. Advocating for stronger American assistance in Ukraine to counter Putin’s illegal invasion shouldn’t be political. That’s just the right thing to do.”
As Carlson noted, to people who think they have all the answers, “the world actually isn’t complicated.”
“In fact, the world is simple. It’s like an original, made-for-TV movie on Lifetime, the kind where you burn through two bags of Skinny Pop just trying to keep your tears in check,” Carlson said.
“If Adam Kinzinger is doing something in a foreign country with guns, by definition, it’s ‘just the right thing to do,’ like in Syria. Kinzinger’s often expressed concern for Syria’s men, women and children is what matters, and because that concern matters so much, Kinzinger has pushed hard to continue the neocon proxy war in Syria.”
“Results? Syria now has no economy left, and there’s a massive cholera outbreak in progress. Men, women and children are dying in huge numbers because it’s just the right thing to do. Same in Ukraine.”
To that end, you might remember a tiff Kinzinger had with a conservative social media user who goes by the pseudonym “Catturd™.”
Mr. Turd had the gall — unmitigated gall! — to laugh at a meme about the Ukrainian flag. Kinzinger’s response? He threatened to beat the guy up.
Keep in mind that, not only do we not know Catturd™’s real name, he holds no position of power — much less an elected one. Adam Kinzinger, a sitting member of the House of Representatives who pretends to be one of the adults in the room in the Republican Party, threatened to give the guy a beatdown.
“Woah, hear that, Catturd? It will not end well for you. It’s not a pillow fight Adam Kinzinger is talking about. That’s a full-on slap fight with hair-pulling,” Carlson said. “This is real. You’d better apologize.
“Our heart goes out to Catturd tonight, who is probably cowering in a litter box somewhere, waiting for Adam Kinzinger to show up with sharpened nails. Mock the Ukrainian flag, get scratched. Those are the rules, Catturd. It’s a tough town. Meow!”
But as for Kinzinger, it’ll end predictably, Carlson said.
“In just weeks, Adam Kinzinger will be another CNN contributor. No one will ever see him again, but we will never forget him. Adam Kinzinger will live forever in our hearts as an example of what a man can be when he stops trying to be a man and unleashes the emotionally fragile, divorced, single mom within,” he said.
“Au revoir, Adam Kinzinger. See you at SoulCycle.”
Now, perhaps Tucker’s wrong. This, however, would be predicated on Kinzinger being on the right side of history — and the only side Kinzinger has ever taken is that of his own self-advancement. He’s been inept enough at it that he couldn’t even out-Liz Cheney Liz Cheney. He’s one of two RINOs on the Jan. 6 committee, and the only one whose father wasn’t loathed more than Pinochet by the mainstream media. Which one did they end up loving? Worse-than-Pinochet’s daughter.
Now there’s something to cry over.
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