We're Not Joking: Kerry's School Lacrosse Captain Was Robert Mueller


If you’ve ever wanted to know what the phrase “drain the swamp” really means, well, here you go: Robert Mueller was apparently John Kerry’s lacrosse captain in high school. And, wonder of wonders, it wasn’t at any old public school.

No, Robert Swan Mueller III went to the exclusive St. Paul’s boarding school in Concord, New Hampshire, according to the U.K. Daily Mail. Annual cost of attendance per year in 2018? Sixty-thousand dollars.

“Mueller, now 72, was part of the Missionary Society, a member of the Library Association and the vice president of the athletic association,” the Daily Mail noted.

He was also the captain of the lacrosse team, as demonstrated in a photo that could practically be on the cover of a liberal textbook on white privilege were Kerry and Mueller not liberal heroes:
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There’s the smarmy former secretary of state and presidential candidate in the upper left, while the former FBI director and current special counsel is in the lower center.

It probably shouldn’t surprise you that the two played hockey together, as well. “I spent all my waking hours shooting pucks into the fireplaces in my dorm,” Mueller said during a 2004 visit to his high school alma mater.

Ah, the joys of being young. Shooting pucks into the fireplace at the dorm of your incredibly expensive boarding school in New England. I think all of us have experienced that, right?

“The contrast with Trump’s childhood is stark — although it is the difference not between wealth and poverty, but between the son of a scrappy self-made man from Queens and the son of an establishment insider,” the Daily Mail pointed out.

Do you think the swamp needs to be drained?

The Episcopal boarding school has been described by Vanity Fair as “the Eton of America’s upper crust” for “the conservative old Wasp families of New York, Boston, and Philadelphia — the plutocracy that has been running the country for generations.”

The list of St. Paul’s alumni is long enough to have its own Wikipedia page. On it are numerous former members of Congress, including Kerry; newspaper publisher William Randolph Hearst (he didn’t graduate, though — the rapscallion); “Doonesbury” cartoonist Garry Trudeau; Watergate prosecutor Archibald Cox; former New York City Mayor John Lindsay; and heirs Cornelius Vanderbilt III and John Jacob Astor IV.

This is a practically-Evergladean example of the swamp, even if it may freeze over in the winter months. And it birthed both Kerry and Mueller, who were sports teammates at the school.

This isn’t much of a surprise. The only surprise comes when you look at how Democrats are at all surprised when Republicans complain about the swamp.

One photo says so much about the swamp that words cannot. The photo may represent just a small part of the constellation of interconnected bureaucrats which has run Washington since time immemorial, but Kerry and Mueller both wield an unbelievable amount of power. And now one of them is trying to stop President Trump’s ditching of the Iran deal, while the other is leading an investigation into unproven allegations that Trump colluded with Russia.

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How can individuals with these kind of lifelong relationships be impartial? How can they be trusted to act in our interests when many of them have never even known a world outside of their own?

That’s why America voted to drain the swamp in 2016. The swamp, alas, is a living, breathing thing — and it’s fighting back in a major way.

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C. Douglas Golden is a writer who splits his time between the United States and Southeast Asia. Specializing in political commentary and world affairs, he's written for Conservative Tribune and The Western Journal since 2014.
C. Douglas Golden is a writer who splits his time between the United States and Southeast Asia. Specializing in political commentary and world affairs, he's written for Conservative Tribune and The Western Journal since 2014. Aside from politics, he enjoys spending time with his wife, literature (especially British comic novels and modern Japanese lit), indie rock, coffee, Formula One and football (of both American and world varieties).
Morristown, New Jersey
Catholic University of America
Languages Spoken
English, Spanish
Topics of Expertise
American Politics, World Politics, Culture