1. Crying over televised injustices and ignoring the ones you have at home.
2. Paying a multimillion-dollar ransom to any group of hackers that hijacks anything, at any time, in any country.
3. Affirming that the world is a safer place with Joe Biden in the White House.
4. Thinking that a banana taped to the wall is a work of art.
5. Believing that Putin is a good person because he shows affection to his dog.
6. Thinking that Jack Dorsey and Mark Zuckerberg believe in something more than just their bank accounts.
7. Saying that the world would be wonderful without borders and not instantly bursting out laughing.
8. Considering the pandemic a punishment from Mother Earth for the big, noisy cars that we like to buy.
9. Believing that tax increases will only affect the rich.
10. Taking a knee at the beginning of any sporting competition without having previously dropped a dollar to the ground.
11. Asking Siri to tell you that she loves you.
12. Having a poster of Prince Harry in the room and not throwing darts at it.
13. Believing that ordering synthetic meat will make cows happier than Bill Gates.
14. Analyzing 19th-century wars with 21st-century eyes.
15. Not feeling deep shame when someone addresses you using inclusive language, and sowing tepid doubts about your sexuality.
16. Believing that democracy, freedom, technology and human rights were invented in 2021.
17. Thinking that the virus acts with the intelligence and premeditation of a human enemy.
18. Resolving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict in a tweet.
19. Blindly trusting in public education.
20. Promoting police disarmament and still believing that you can continue to enjoy your rights.
21. Being convinced that the World Health Organization really cares about the organization of world health.
22. Preaching that the Middle Ages was a dark and murderous time and that the Age of Enlightenment was a time of peace and light.
23. Gambling your life on a viral challenge in return for a few thousand clicks.
24. Allowing a wolf to care for sheep, just because it has attended some sessions on social empathy.
25. Angrily denouncing the Romans for not respecting human rights.
26. Vehemently defending perpetual lockdowns and masks for fear of living.
27. Believing that the world would be a better place if it were ruled by scientists.
28. Believing that cancel culture will only affect others.
29. Thinking that Planned Parenthood is a non-governmental organization that helps women.
30. Taking offense every time someone, somewhere in the world, laughs at something.
31. Considering that biology is fascist.
32. Realizing that your ideological and moral references come from TikTok.
33. Not supporting the press that you like, just because they give it to you for free.
34. Insisting on the idea that cats are better people than humans.
35. Believing that there is still some chance that communism will work.
36. Laughing at Kamala Harris’ jokes.
37. Thinking that jihadism can be fixed with more multiculturalism, without even bothering first to take a look at how France is doing.
38. Forging an entire editorial position from a tear-jerked photograph.
39. Replacing the old Christian calendar with UN International Days and Google doodles.
40. Spending more hours on Netflix than reading the classics.
41. Mistaking Twitter DMs for a WWII battlefield.
42. Saying over and over again “much remains to be done.”
43. Finding something racist in “Dumbo,” “The Aristocats” and “Peter Pan.”
44. Trusting that your taxes will go toward something worthwhile.
45. Making anything, including your girlfriend leaving you for an idiot, a matter of political debate.
46. Placing total confidence in new technologies.
47. Showing total distrust in new technologies.
48. Being sure, like Paulo Coelho, that the universe always conspires in your favor.
49. Forgetting to include symptom number 50.
This article first appeared on The Western Journal en Español.
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