Prince Harry, Useless Member of Billionaire Royal Family, Wants Kids to Grow Up in 'More Equal World'


While I’m well aware Prince Harry’s parents are Prince Charles and Princess Diana, sometimes it feels like he’s the useless spawn of Bertie Wooster and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

On almost every occasion where Harry is induced to open his mouth, he reminds every right-thinking American why we find British aristocracy ludicrous and and entirely lacking in self-awareness. He’s from a family worth tens of billions — yet now that Harry has left military service, it’s clear he serves no useful purpose.

This is especially true now that he’s stopped being a working royal and moved to the United States with his wife, Meghan Markle. His most prominent role seems to be as an ambassador for leftist causes — but, like all the Bertie Woosters that litter the British aristocratic landscape, even if he escapes Merrie England, he can’t help but plant his foot firmly in his mouth and leave it there until the reporters’ microphones are turned off.

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This time, Harry’s foot-in-mouth performance was in the Netherlands, where the Duke of Sussex traveled for the Invictus Games — an athletics event for wounded or injured military service members throughout the world.

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According to the U.K. Daily Mail, speaking to child reporters from Dutch outlet Kindercorrespondent, Harry said his goal was to make sure his children are raised in “a more equal world.”

“It’s not going to be easy but I will never, ever, ever rest until I have as a parent at least tried to make the world a better place for them because it is our responsibility that the world is the way it is now,” Harry said, speaking of his two children, Archie and Lilibet.

“I don’t think that we should be bringing children into the world unless we’re going to make that commitment to make it better for them. We cannot steal your future.”

His kids, Harry said, should grow up “in a fairer world, a safer world, a more equal world.”

Is Prince Harry out of touch?

Sure, his kids won’t be a part of that fairer, safer, more equal world. That’s for people not born into the Windsor family.

But, you know, if they’re lucky enough, Archie and Lilibet will be able to watch the plebes be a little bit more equal, presumably through some form of government intervention. I mean, it won’t affect Harry or anyone in his family, but some plutocrat somewhere’s gonna get it.

Fine, it’s worth noting Harry isn’t the richest royal of the bunch, being only worth roughly $10 million from his inheritance from his mother, according to Forbes. Markle brought along $2 million from her work in acting.

“They bought a $14.7 million estate in Montecito, the seaside Santa Barbara, California, enclave that’s home to such Hollywood celebrities as Oprah Winfrey and Ellen DeGeneres and wife Portia de Rossi, in August 2020,” Forbes reported in 2021.

“They put down $5 million and now have a nearly $10 million mortgage. The Duke and Duchess also repaid the Sovereign Grant for the $3 million spent to remodel Frogmore, which remains their U.K. family home. That leaves Prince Harry and Meghan with a surprisingly modest nest egg of roughly $5 million — at least for now.”

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And they’re working royals, which means they have to go out and get a job, just like everyone else. In Harry and Meghan’s case, the New York Post noted they both went to work for a tech company — specifically, Spotify.

The couple signed a $25 million contract in December of 2020 to produce content for the streaming giant. This is hard work — so hard, in fact, that they’ve yet to produce any content for Spotify. The Verge reported last month that the first series from the couple’s production company, Archewell Audio, will debut this summer.

Just a bunch of working schlubs in a more equal world, right?

And if that doesn’t balance the checkbook, Harry is also writing a tell-all about the royal family ($27 million, according to Australia’s and another pricey deal with Netflix (their first production, released last year, was about the Invictus Games — which explains why they’re back again this year).

Unless those tens of millions of dollars are going toward setting up a universal basic income pilot program in Montecito, it’s unclear what Prince Harry has done to facilitate this “more equal world.” If anything, he should be the face of income inequality to the left: born into wealth created by empire, coddled in a bubble of privilege unlike literally any other in the world and aware of poverty only at the most desultory level.

But he says the right things, so he’s One Of Them.

Now, instead of being a full-time royal, his primary occupation seems to be going around parroting some variation of inchoate crypto-leftist babble like this “more equal world” talk, or participating in televised therapy sessions about the anguishes of growing up as a Windsor with the likes of Oprah Winfrey and Britain’s ITV.

“I don’t think we should be pointing the finger or blaming anybody, but certainly when it comes to parenting, if I’ve experienced some form of pain or suffering because of the pain or suffering that perhaps my father or my parents had suffered, I’m going to make sure I break that cycle so that I don’t pass it on,” Harry told ITV last year.

“It’s a lot of genetic pain and suffering that gets passed on anyway so we as parents should be doing the most we can to try and say ‘You know what, that happened to me, I’m going to make sure that doesn’t happen to you.’”

Cheer up, Harry.

Your dad could have been, say, an airheaded, hyper-privileged pseudo-activist whose only real occupation, aside from spewing empty platitudes about a “more equal world,” was making money off of his name, and who would have been the biggest public embarrassment to his prominent family were it not for an uncle linked to Jeffrey Epstein.

Things could always be worse.

CORRECTION, April 29, 2022: The Western Journal has removed from the headline and one paragraph of this commentary references to the royal family being “taxpayer supported.” While the specifics of the royal family’s finances are not all public, most of their income derives from revenue generated by the Crown Estate, and not through taxation as it is normally defined.

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C. Douglas Golden is a writer who splits his time between the United States and Southeast Asia. Specializing in political commentary and world affairs, he's written for Conservative Tribune and The Western Journal since 2014.
C. Douglas Golden is a writer who splits his time between the United States and Southeast Asia. Specializing in political commentary and world affairs, he's written for Conservative Tribune and The Western Journal since 2014. Aside from politics, he enjoys spending time with his wife, literature (especially British comic novels and modern Japanese lit), indie rock, coffee, Formula One and football (of both American and world varieties).
Morristown, New Jersey
Catholic University of America
Languages Spoken
English, Spanish
Topics of Expertise
American Politics, World Politics, Culture