Mom Goes Straight to Facebook After Seeing Alteration Made on Family Photo Shoot
Professional photo shoots are all the rage these days — which, to this observer, is not a Good Thing™.
There’s nothing more redundant on my social media feed than couples and families posing cloyingly by fountains, around art fixtures and and in botanical gardens as if this is what they would normally be doing on a Saturday afternoon. If Facebook would crack down on this sort of thing instead of Prager U, I might actually start sending them unsolicited donations.
My wife keeps on wanting to rope me into one of these pictorial dumpster fires; I’ve managed to avoid it thus far by appealing to her inveterate propensity for cheapness and hoping it keeps on overriding her inveterate propensity for cuteness. So far, so good.
However, I have a new weapon in my arsenal, thanks to the Zaring family.
The Zarings, for those of you still unfamiliar with this unfortunate troupe of Missourians, were one of those families who decided such a photoshoot was just the ticket.
So, they shelled out $200-250 (Pam and Dave Zaring are somewhat coy about the exact number) and hired a photographer to photograph them, their children and what appears to be a parent on a recent glary, random day. They had the outfits. They had the ubiquitous water fixture in the form of a pond. From the looks of things, they even had cooperative kids.
What they didn’t have was a photographer that knew what she was doing with a) a camera and b) Photoshop.
“Ok. This is NOT a joke. We paid a photographer, who claimed to be a professional, $2-250 for a family photo shoot. Please see these FOR REAL photos she delivered to us….She said the shadows were really bad on the beautiful, clear, sunny day and that her professor never taught her to retouch photos,” Pam Zaring wrote on Facebook last Thursday.
The alternations made everything look less like a family photo shoot and more like the world’s worst Dreamcast game:
I’m just waiting for the side quest to pop up.
And this isn’t exactly a work in progress, which at least gave Pam Zaring some level of schadenfreude: “I literally have not laughed this hard in YEARS!!!!! You can’t make this stuff up…..again, this is NOT a joke – final product.”
Although the Zarings’ photos went viral in the worst possible way for the photographer (we’re not going to make her life any worse than it is, although her name is on the pictures), according to the U.K. Independent, no refund has been forthcoming.
At this point, however, do you even ask for a refund? After all, this is pretty much the most epic retouching since the botched painting of Jesus:
And you know what? That doesn’t even look as bad as the photos.
Here’s to you, (name omitted, but again you can find it in every one of the images we posted). You managed to beat gout Jesus. There has to be some sort of award for that kind of incompetence.
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